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Psychology

The Loudest Guest Book Summary - The Loudest Guest Book explained in key points

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The Loudest Guest summary

Name: The Loudest Guest
Rating: 4.2 (178 reviews)
Author: Amy Silver

Amy Silver

How to Change and Control Your Relationship with Fear

4.2 (178 ratings)

24 mins

Brief summary

"The Loudest Guest" by Amy Silver is a gripping psychological thriller that follows the story of a wealthy family whose dark secrets are exposed during a weekend getaway. Secrets, lies, and betrayal make for a page-turning read.

Topics

Emotional Intelligence Self-Help Confidence The Brain

Table of Contents

The Loudest Guest
Summary of 7 key ideas

Audio & text in the Blinkist app

Key idea 1 of 7

What’s in it for me? Learn how to control and chase your fear.

Fear is at your party again. He’s loud and demanding, the center of attention. He’s convincing too, telling you what will go wrong, how you’ll fail. He’s all you can focus on.

Everyone experiences fear. But what is it and what purpose does it serve? It’s actually there to protect you and, in the right balance, it limits your risk exposure. But when fear is in control, it can stop you from enjoying your life.

These blinks will help you identify your fear and its effects. You’ll learn how to use fear to your advantage, gain control, and get more of what you want out of life. Don’t let fear be the loudest guest at your party!

Advice: If reading these blinks makes you feel you need extra support, seek the advice of your doctor who will be able to recommend what you do next. Sometimes a specialist is needed.

In these blinks, you’ll learn

how to recognize and understand your fear;
why you need to separate your fear from your self; and
how you can experiment to overcome your fear.

Change the role of fear from controlling to commentating on your life.

Fear is good for you. Yes, really. It’s essential for keeping you out of harm’s way, and stops you from being physically or emotionally hurt. It makes you look before you leap. And it helps you identify mistakes before you even make them.

A healthy dose of fear gives you the motivation to achieve things you otherwise wouldn’t. Think about the nerves that pushed you to study before a big test, or practice hard before a big game.

When you sense fear, your sympathetic nervous system is triggered. Your amygdala – a small almond-shaped area of the brain – signals your hypothalamus – another brain structure – to release hormones into your blood. These raise your blood pressure and blood sugar. Your muscles prepare for sudden and violent movement. Your heart and breathing rates increase. The cerebral part of your brain – the thinking part – switches off. You’re optimally prepared for fight or flight.

This is the key message: Change the role of fear from controlling to commentating on your life.

When fear controls you, it can become so overwhelming that you even become afraid of fear itself. You might resort to alcohol, drugs, and avoidance behaviors to reduce its effects. You become self-critical, hate your fear, and ultimately become ashamed of it and your other feelings.

When fear directs you, it helps you to identify opportunities and warns you about risks. But it can overdo this, and you find yourself overthinking outcomes and resort to doing only the predictable. You become full of self-doubt and choose comfort over challenge.

You’re more in control when fear acts as an advisor. But don’t hand over too much power or it’ll tell you its thoughts about everything – judging you and pointing out your mistakes and failures. Your self-belief can become eroded and you lose confidence in your decision-making.

But fear needn’t have such a hold over you. When fear simply becomes a commentator, you can decide whether to heed its advice or not. Fear should be one among equals with your other emotions – there to be called upon when it suits your purposes. Don’t lose your fear, just learn to control it and turn the volume down when you need to.

In the next six blinks, you’ll learn the six steps of a never-ending cycle which you can use to control your fear.

Recognize and understand your fear.

When the author took up soccer, she faced many fears: Would she be safe? Would she let the side down? Would she look unattractive? Would she be too unfit? Would she fail?

Fear wanted to save her all this embarrassment and possible injury. Had she listened, she’d never have experienced the joy of scoring a goal while her children watched, or celebrated after a match with her husband and teammates.

Have some self-compassion and welcome fear to the party.

The development of the human brain over the last two million years has been remarkable. Not only do our brains control our fine motor skills, but they also create, decide, communicate, control emotions, remember, plan, prioritize, think abstractly – the list goes on and on.

Yet, despite all this, the primitive core of our brains – which includes the seat of our fear response – hasn’t changed much: it’s still pretty similar to that of a lizard.

Separate your fear from your self.

Twenty-six-year-old Valeria’s Olympic performance didn’t go to plan. A year later, her professional career was over. She started work and got on with her life, but felt like it was one big game of catch-up. Promotion came quickly and she found herself part of an executive team. But then her fear took hold: What if she wasn’t ready? What if she let people down? What if . . . ?

Flashbacks to her training and negative advice she was given pushed her even harder. Her guilt for her disappointing Olympic performance and how she’d let people down meant she simply couldn’t fail as an executive. Fear drove her to take on more and more. It became too much. Eventually – exhausted, sad, and overwhelmed – she burned out.

Evaluate your fear and identify its key messages.

Damian worked for a large government agency that went through some reorganization. He didn’t adapt well and others saw him as a “blocker” of change. Fear told him not to try because he’d fail. He wouldn’t change easily. That it was time for him to leave because he added no value to this new world.

Working with a coach, he evaluated what fear was telling him and asked himself whether the thoughts were true, and whether they were useful. This helped him change his way of thinking. He realized that if he didn’t try he’d surely fail. That, yes, he didn’t change easily, but that he could do it. And that he wanted to be part of the new organization and by getting involved he’d definitely add value.

Decide to be courageous, and create a contract with your fear.

Imagine that you no longer listen to your fear and tomorrow you suddenly find yourself more courageous. How would your day begin differently from today? How would people react to the new you? What would they see in you that makes them realize you’re more courageous? How does this “new you” think? And what could you now achieve?

This is the key message: Decide to be courageous, and create a contract with your fear.

Overcome your fear through experimentation.

The author’s first-ever patient was arachnophobic – she had an intense fear of spiders. It was summer, yet she turned up at the clinic dressed in a waterproof coat with the hood up, drawstrings pulled tight, and her tracksuit pants tucked into her rubber boots. She felt more comfortable dressed this way to avoid any chance of meeting a spider. She also repeatedly sprayed her house. It was all pretty effective – she didn’t meet any spiders.

The patient believed that it was her actions that prevented spiders from running up her legs and ending up in her mouth. She was convinced she’d been saved by listening to her fear and acting accordingly.

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What is The Loudest Guest about?

The Loudest Guest (2020) is a six-step guide to controlling your fear and taking back control of your life. It offers practical advice on how to recognize your fear, evaluate how it affects you, and choose when and how you listen to it. Fear may be at the party, but he doesn’t have to be your loudest guest.

The Loudest Guest Review

The Loudest Guest (2022) is a gripping tale that explores the dark secrets hidden within a seemingly perfect family. Here's why this book is a must-read:

Full of unpredictable twists and turns, it keeps readers on the edge of their seats, eager to uncover the truth behind the facade.
Through its multilayered characters and complex relationships, the book delves into the depths of human emotions and the lengths people will go to protect their secrets.
With its nuanced exploration of family dynamics and thought-provoking themes, The Loudest Guest is far from your typical thriller, making it a truly captivating read.

Who should read The Loudest Guest?

Courage seekers
People who experience anxiety
Worriers, doubters, and perfectionists

About the Author

Dr. Amy Silver is an author, speaker, psychologist, and fear expert. She’s appeared regularly in the media to talk about how fear impacts our choices, including the Australian, Harvard Business Review, and CEO World as well as being a regular on the AM Show in New Zealand. She’s also the author of Conversations Create Growth.

Categories with The Loudest Guest

Psychology Personal Development

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